Despite the fact that 43% of women and 32% of men admit to having faked an orgasm, the vast majority of people remain oblivious to their partner’s bedroom theatrics.
In many cases, this will be blissful ignorance. After all, who wants to hurt their own feelings by dissecting what should be a moment of euphoria?
But not everyone has a flawless Meg Ryan-style fauxgasm, with certain telltale signs giving the game away — before, during and after the simulated big O.
According to psychotherapist and clinical sexologist, Ness Cooper, ‘Due to past education and societal expectations, many of us have been led to falsely believe that orgasms define – and end – sex.’
While she urges people not to constantly fake it, the sexpert acknowledges that there are some situations where it’s better for both parties to put on a show, and ‘some may even enjoy the performative moments’ this brings.
So when your part is ‘supportive and encouraging lover experiencing waves of rapturous ecstasy’, you don’t want to break character. There are other benefits to this form of method acting too; if you’re committed to realistically faking it, you may actually end up making it.
Here, Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney, reveals what to avoid to ensure you give a blockbuster performance.
Struggling to maintain eye contact
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Annabelle tells Metro: ‘Being able to make and maintain eye contact is a key sign of connection and trust. If someone is unwilling to maintain eye contact, or even avoids it altogether – especially during emotional or intimate moments – it can show that they are uncomfortable, distracted, or even not emotionally invested.’
You don’t need to stare into your partner’s eyes throughout — if anything that’d probably creep them out. But make sure to hold their gaze when it comes your way.
A lack of mirroring
Mirroring, Annabelle explains, is ‘where two people mirror each other’s body language because they are emotionally in sync,’ and can include ‘facial expressions, emotions or even their posture.’
Because mirroring is ‘a natural sign of connection and empathy,’ its absence can ‘indicate emotional detachment.’
Even if your orgasm is fake, making an effort to sync up with your partner doesn’t just make it more believable, it improves the experience for both of you.
Stiffness and tension
‘A stiff or rigid posture, such as tense shoulders or tight arms, could show that your partner is experiencing some discomfort or a lack of relaxation,’ says Annabelle.
‘People who are genuinely engaged in an emotional situation or intimate moment tend to have more relaxed and open body language, whereas being physically tense could show they are not fully enjoying themselves, are not fully present in the moment, or are forcing themselves to engage.’
Alongside posture, rigid or exaggerated movements can make it seem as though you’re ‘going through the motions’ and aren’t genuinely interested in what you’re doing.
Delayed responses
If you’re indulging in dirty talk or sweet nothings, it’s vital not to overthink it; just say or do what comes naturally.
According to Annabelle, responses (both physical and verbal) that seem out of sync or delayed can show that someone isn’t ‘fully present in the moment, or that they are taking that split second to gauge how they should react.’
Inconsistent facial expressions
This one is really a case of how much you’re genuinely enjoying yourself — orgasm or no orgasm. And it’s a hard thing to feign.
‘However much we might try to hide it, our facial expressions are often a subconscious reflection of how we really feel,’ explains Annabelle.
‘A genuine emotion – whether happiness, desire, anger – is usually mirrored in a person’s face, so if their expressions seem forced, don’t match their body language or don’t align with the current situation, it could show they aren’t being genuine.’
Overcompensation
The journey to orgasm can be something of a rollercoaster, but this shouldn’t be the case when it comes to the overall physical intimacy and attention each partner offers during sex.
Annabelle says that ‘periods of withdrawal followed by sudden bursts of overly enthusiastic emotion’ can suggest someone is ‘trying too hard to overcompensate for a lack of connection or to cover up their uncertainty.’
Essentially, be consistent in your demeanour or risk killing the mood —exactly what you’re trying to avoid.
Looking disengaged
Another signal that’s all in the eyes, this no-no involves seeming distracted or letting your gaze wander, which can make it obvious that your ‘thoughts and feelings are elsewhere.’
Of course, there might be times when everyday worries or matters creep into your subconscious mind. But by bringing your thoughts back to the present – like each of these tips to realistically fake it – you’ll enhance the pleasure for yourself as well as your partner.
It’s also important to remember that you’re under no obligation to do anything you don’t want to, from acting in a certain way to please a partner to sex itself.
If you’re not feeling it for whatever reason or there’s a deeper issue you want to address, honesty is the best policy.
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