A few weeks ago, I was clearing out some boxes when I stumbled on a crumpled piece of paper that stopped me in my tracks: my old sex list.
While it didn’t go into graphic detail, the list contained the first names (that I could remember) of each man I’d shagged as well as the country we’d done it in.
Some had ‘special notes’ next to their names like ‘Rugby boy’ and ‘Welsh dude’.
Seeing the official history of my sexual partners in black and white brought memories flooding back and a smile to my face. And that is why I kept the list in the first place.
I was reminded of this habit a few days ago, when reading a story about the supposedly emerging trend of documenting details about the people you’ve slept with on your phone.
This is something I have personally done for years – having taken my physical list digital some time ago.
When I was on a flight and had forgotten to download a film or bring a book, I entertained myself for an hour by listing the men I’d had sex with.
Reminiscing about the great (and awful) intercourse I’d had was far more entertaining than reading the plane safety instructions leaflet for the umpteenth time.
And apparently, it’s not as unusual as one might think.
Several people in the article I read all openly confessed what kind of information they include and their reasons for keeping a sex list. These ranged from it serving as ‘a reminder of past mistakes’ and ‘keeping track’ to ‘remembering funny stories’.
My own list is more the latter now but I must admit, when I was younger, and cared far too much about how other people viewed my sex life, I worried about what my ever-increasing number of sexual partners said about me – especially if I couldn’t remember each lover’s name.
So part of me kept writing them down, just in case there was ever a pop quiz.
These days, I’ve let go of self-imposed slut-shaming and I am now quite proud to admit I have had a pretty eventful sex life.
There’s the year I spent in Australia in my 20s when, within 12 months, the list grew substantially. (The men were hot, tanned and had charming accents. It was bound to happen).
I’ve also enjoyed the company of men (and a few women) at swingers resorts, sex clubs and outdoors.
Of course I’ve also had my share of dry spells too, like the summer I lived in New York. I imagined it would be an absolute sex fest but the dial barely moved.
All this, the highs and lows of my sexual encounters, are documented on my list. I don’t just remember what happened between the sheets, but how I felt with each partner.
Each name represents a special time in my life and when I see the list again I’m reminded how young and carefree I once felt or when I discovered that sex could be more about my pleasure, not just my partners’.
On the flipside, it also reminds me of the times when, after I had my heart broken, I comforted myself by having sex with someone else – which is not always a good idea (it certainly wasn’t for me).
It might sound bizarre to look back on a lifetime of sex that way but personally, I’ve found the list serves as life lessons, and keeps me from making the same mistakes and to accept that no one is perfect.
Ultimately, reviewing my sex life helps me understand who I was back then and who I am now. However, there are a few things I would recommend, if you’re keeping or considering writing a list of your own.
Firstly, choose a secure location. Don’t keep this kind of information on a work computer or shared drive. If you want some extra security, make the document password-protected or use a ‘vault’ app.
Secondly, only keep a list if it serves you positively. It should never be a punishment, so if you open it and cringe, get rid of it.
Finally, you don’t need to tell anyone if you don’t want to but if your inventory contains a lot of personal details – like first and surname, addresses or other sensitive information, don’t share it publicly.
As for myself, keeping track isn’t as important to me now as it once was. I’ve worked through the negative experiences and have a pretty good memory of the positive ones, without having to write them down.
Instead, I’ve kept the piece of paper I found in the box because it makes me laugh. But maybe I’ll review it again soon, just to see how things have changed.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
Share your views in the comments below.
MORE : Level up your bedroom intimacy with the double decker sex position
MORE : My girlfriend gets upset when I masturbate at home, but it’s a release
MORE : How do I keep my pregnancy secret on my wedding day?
Sign up to our guide to what’s on in London, trusted reviews, brilliant offers and competitions. London’s best bits in your inbox
This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.