‘I first met her in what felt like an extremely long January in 2023, when things felt quite heavy,’ says 47-year-old Michael*, recalling his first encounter with an escort.
But Michael, who works in finance, doesn’t book appointments for sex.
‘I just wanted some company to be honest,’ he tells Metro.co.uk. ‘I had been divorced for coming up to two years, but I wasn’t ready to meet anyone else – nor did I have the time.
‘I felt lonely. I wouldn’t say I am a sociable person anyway, having struggled hugely with social anxiety since my separation, but not seeing anyone for days on end was tough… It was starting to take a toll on my mental health.’
With a 2019 YouGov poll reporting that nearly half of UK men (44%) feel lonely ‘sometimes, often or all of the time’, and one in five men saying they have no close friends – twice as many as women – it’s clear that many in the UK are in the grip of an isolation crisis.
‘Society has and still does, for many, raise boys to believe that it is a sign of weakness to show our feelings, state that we are struggling and ask for support and help,’ explains Danny Zane, a therapist at North London Therapy.
‘Being able to openly verbalise and express our feelings has not been something we are permitted to do, and we are not taught how to.
‘We cannot hold intimate relations without being able to properly communicate; desires, wants, needs and what’s going on for us. In my opinion, that can be a lonely existence.’
Michael agrees. ‘I do feel like there is still stigma around male loneliness – particularly when facing troubling times where you’re grieving or going through a divorce, as in my case,’ he explains.
Having dedicated his time to his career, studying and working, friends weren’t always top of his priority list. ‘After the divorce it felt like I had no one,’ Michael admits.
He did consider going down the traditional therapy route for some company and someone to talk to, but eventually decided it would feel too much like a ‘one-way conversation’.
Instead, Michael – who does long hours and works remotely – took what some might consider extreme measures to remedy his loneliness: sex workers.
‘I tried cam sites for a while, as it meant that I could speak to people in the late hours after finishing work, but I felt like the connection was missing. I didn’t want anything physical in the sexual sense, but I wanted to be physically face-to-face with someone.’
When Michael decided to book an appointment through an escort directory, he met up with up with sex worker Gigi Patsy that same evening.
‘I was nervous to begin with not really knowing what to expect… But she completely changed my life,’ Michael says of their first appointment.
He turned up to Gigi’s house and the pair sat in her living room with a cup of tea and chatted for 40 minutes straight.
At this point, Michael asked if they could extend their booking by another two hours and was enjoying sharing everything about his life – from his divorce to how lonely he’d felt.
Since his first appointment with Gigi, Michael has been going once every couple of weeks, mostly on the weekends, for two hours. This equates to roughly 33 visits and 66 hours.
Based on escort listings, the UK-wide average hourly rate is £125 for an hour appointment, or £180 if that escort is travelling to meet their client.
This means Michael has spent a ball-park figure of £8,250 over the past year-and-a-half.
Types of loneliness:
There are different types of loneliness. The following three are the most commonly identified in evidence and literature on loneliness:
- Emotional loneliness – ‘the absence of meaningful relationships’
- Social loneliness – a ‘perceived deficit in the quality of social connections’
- Existential loneliness – a ‘feeling of fundamental separateness from others and the wider world’
Other types of loneliness can include:
- Transient loneliness – a feeling that comes and goes
- Situational loneliness – only occurring at certain times like Sundays, bank holidays or Christmas
- Chronic loneliness – feeling lonely all or most of the time
Source: Campaign to End Loneliness
‘Meeting with Gigi makes me forget that I’m alone and helps me vocalise how I’m feeling,’ he explains. ‘It’s still not a sexual thing for me, which I know is something many people won’t understand, but I just feel comfortable with her.
‘I share more with her than I have ever told anyone else. I want to hear about Gi’s day, too. It works both ways for me and really gives the escapism that I desperately need sometimes.’
In a survey of escorts, Vivastreet, an escort directory, found 77% of sex workers have experienced an uptick in clients looking for companionship, rather than sex, since the pandemic.
In fact, the study – which surveyed over 21,000 people, including those who pay for sex and sex workers in 2022 – reported 24% of those using escort services hire a sex worker purely for company, while 65% of sex workers say they’ve been hired for companionship appointments which didn’t involve sex.
It’s a sentiment that sex workers themselves share, as nearly all (95%) believe their services have helped a client feel less lonely.
Gigi herself has been an escort for more than two years, since leaving her job as an estate agent. The 32-year-old says she didn’t anticipate ‘sex to be an afterthought’ for so many men before she began working in the field.
She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘When I first started escorting, I didn’t expect people to just want to hang out.
‘I did an overnight where we didn’t even kiss, he just wanted someone to take out. Sometimes they fear judgement, or they might just want someone to sit and talk to.’
Despite these appointments being for companionship rather than sex, Gigi doesn’t charge any less than she would for an appointment that did involve some form of physicality.
She explains that a customer will arrive at her home, which is conveniently next to a police station, and they may sit on the sofa and have a glass of wine.
‘They might come over and want to sit in their underwear still, so it feels like I’m a girlfriend, while some might want to sit in front of the TV or put some music on. Others want to talk and have a drink, like they’re just popping around to their friend’s house. I let them take the lead.’
Perhaps what brings these men comfort is that Gigi doesn’t pry into why they’ve booked the appointment with her. ‘Sometimes they’re embarrassed when they tell me,’ she says, ‘so I might not ever get the full story of why.’
‘One client told me “people in your profession save lives”. That made me cry. He had experienced suicidal thoughts because he hadn’t been able to have that special moment with someone,’ she says.
‘Some will say, “Oh, I miss having someone to cuddle” or “I miss hanging out on the sofa with someone”. You get the impression that maybe it’s been a long time for them.’
Even though these are paid-for interactions, Gigi is keen for her clients to not ‘feel like a number’.
‘What escorts do is a lot deeper than the seediness everyone assumes. I never rush my clients out the door,’ she explains.
Jessica Roy, 26, who markets herself as a luxury escort, also has clients who come to her for companionship, rather than sex. She charges £1,000 for an appointment, which usually involves her client either cooking for her, taking her to dinner or sometimes she cooks for them.
She has regulars who know they can have sex with her, but choose to prioritise a connection. ‘They are looking for something genuine,’ Jessica says.
‘There’s a lot of conversation, laughs, good times. It’s a genuine exchange; there’s deep conversations about life and clients can talk about themselves – they often want to hear about me as well.’
Jessica tells the story of one client in his 50s whose wife moved to South Africa for a year, leaving him feeling incredibly lonely.
‘He was missing her so much – her company more so than the sex,’ she explains.
While they never had intercourse, Jessica did lay in bed with him and cuddle. ‘He said “Wow, I miss this so much. I missed this warmth”. That broke my heart,’ she says.
‘I never touched him sexually. He was a total gentleman and really sweet. A lot of times clients are divorced, or in relationships but feel alone and they’re really distressed.’
While paying for an escort service is in no way a replacement for licensed therapy, it can’t be denied that some men are using it as a way to fight feelings of loneliness.
But is it a good idea? According to Rychel Johnson, mental health expert and licensed clinical professional counsellor, thinks the benefits are very limited.
‘I have tremendous empathy for individuals who, in the throes of overwhelming isolation, turn toward transactional relationships as a temporary salve,’ she tells Metro.
‘But hired companionship, which is commodified and time-limited, can never provide the authentic intimacy and lasting fulfilment that the soul fundamentally craves.’
At best, Rychel believes using an escort for company could mask the symptoms of loneliness, leaving the root cause untreated. At worst she feels it can ‘foster unhealthy patterns of avoidance’ and could lead to further trauma.
She adds: ‘Loneliness can leave people seeking connection through some unconventional means, and while the circumstances that lead someone to seek out hired companionship are often nuanced, the underlying yearning tends to be universal… a deep, primal need to feel seen, understood and valued by another.’
‘This issue isn’t spoken about enough,’ adds Michael. ‘I felt like there was a way out of how I was feeling, that I didn’t need to feel alone all the time. And after meeting Gigi, I did feel more free.’
Therapist Danny Zane believes that another positive way for men to ease feelings of loneliness is to join a support group.
‘We don’t know how to really talk; hence so many male friendships can be based around talking about sports, the weather and other surface topics,’ he explains, adding that the Andy’s Man Club, for example, has many UK branches and means men can meet and chat about what is going on in their lives.
But for Michael, his appointments with Gigi are enough for now.
‘Before I was lonely – and ashamed to feel that way,’ he says. ‘Now I definitely feel happier and find having a lot of time on my own is easier, because I have unloaded to Gigi during our meetings. I’m always looking forward to the next one.’
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