Gordon Ramsay’s wife Tana revealed she still feels ‘guilt’ after suffering from a miscarriage at 20 weeks, eight years ago.
The 49-year-old and her TV chef husband have a brood of six children, welcoming a ‘surprise’ baby boy in November last year.
Gordon had been teasing the possibility months before the couple confirmed the birth, declaring they were ‘done’ as they added ‘One more bundle of love to the Ramsay brigade.’
However, the family was hit with tragedy in 2016 when they lost a baby named Rocky at 20 weeks – something which Tana feels responsible for.
‘I still suffer so much guilt,’ she told Lorraine Candy and Trish Halpin on the Postcards from Midlife podcast. ‘Did I, should I have known something?
‘Should I have done something differently? It’s one of those things that some days you’re absolutely fine and you can kind of justify it.’
The couple are proud parents to Megan, 25, twins Holly and Jack, 23, Tilly, 21, Oscar, four and baby Jesse James.
Gordon, 57, and his family are incredibly tight-knit with the kids often posting about their dad on social media.
Tana continued: ‘Other days, for some reason, whether it’s because you’re overtired or something triggers you, I can have a day where I just feel really emotional. You don’t expect to be holding a baby knowing that they’re not going last more than an hour.
‘That is always gonna be something I can never, never get over.’
She shared that little Oscar, who was born three years after the loss of Rocky, will ask about his older brother ‘in the sky’ and ‘his star’.
‘He’ll come out with things like “I really don’t like him being there. Why can’t he just come here?”‘ the mum-of-six continued. ‘One of the hardest times actually was after I had Oscar, and he must have been about three weeks old.
‘I had a day where I felt so emotional. I think it was the guilt that I didn’t think that I felt enough about Rocky because I’d been excited with a new baby. And that threw me, and I remember Gordon saying to me, it was always going to hit you like this now, because we’ve been so in this bubble.
‘And then suddenly you think, I felt unfair that I hadn’t sort of been thinking enough or sad. You can never know what’s around the corner with grief, and we’ve never had anything like that.’
Earlier this year, Gordon had revealed that the birth of Jesse ‘helped bring everyone closer’ after the loss.
‘We’re still super respectful and incredibly remorseful about losing Rocky,’ the chef shared. ‘And so that was a significant moment in the family’s lives.
‘And so we tread with caution this time around and we were blessed.’
Before this, he called the experience ‘life-changing’ and explained how helpless he felt in the face of the ‘trauma’.
He added: ‘We wouldn’t have had Oscar had we not lost Rocky. There was no substitute – far from it – but it brought us a bond that you’d never experience in a normal situation.’
Pregnancy loss helpline
For emotional support, you can contact Miscarriage Association’s pregnancy loss helpline on 01924 200799 or email [email protected].
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