I’ve been making noise since I was a kid.
Soon, that noise turned into rhythm; rhythm turned into songs, and songwriting turned into something that kept me alive.
As a child who understood himself only as ‘a boy inside a girl’s body’, the one place I felt I could truly express myself was on stage singing.
Looking up at heroes like David Bowie, it felt safe for me to be slightly unusual, like them – as long as I was making music.
In the early days the songs I wrote were about secret crushes I had on girls in school. However, I did write one song that was about a girl who was always being misunderstood.
It was called ‘Miss Conception’ and had the chorus lyric: ‘I wonder if you know when you were looking at her, you were also looking at me’.
The song was about me. About my identity, and feeling trapped inside someone else’s skin.
After that, I went on to release music under a few different stage names, but mostly under Lots Holloway, and was lucky enough to have a stream of successful singles between 2017-2019.
In 2020 however, my life came to a complete halt (much like everyone else’s).
Not only were we in the trappings of a pandemic, meaning I was unable to gig and make money, but in slowing down and taking a look at my life, I also decided I could no longer live as the person I was pretending to be.
From the age of 15 I had really struggled to accept myself, and so had forced myself to become someone else, someone I thought everyone wanted me to be.
I’d created a character with a cheeky grin and a huge ego whom everyone seemed to like. And for a while, I was actually convinced I would be able to live that lie forever.
But having a secret life, with secret dreams and secret desires while keeping up this external bravado for the world was tiring and isolating. I felt like no one knew the real me, I’d never felt so lonely.
So, aged 27, I came out to my family, friends and fans, publicly, as a transgender man.
I then removed myself from social media and began my transition in private, scared that taking testosterone as part of HRT (hormone replacement therapy) could potentially impact my singing voice – which it did.
Gradually, my range became increasingly smaller – due to my vocal chords, pitching, tone and stamina all changing – and I found that, when I did sing or gig, my voice would often hit notes well outside of the key.
It was embarrassing and despite the tremendous support from everyone around me, I was terrified that the one place I’d ever felt accepted could be completely stripped away from me. Then what would I do to survive?
Through music though, I found the strength to fight for myself and the life I truly deserved.
Four years and a whole octave drop later, I am Dylan Holloway – otherwise known as Dylan and the Moon.
I came back into the public eye in 2022 with a bang, announcing a headline show and releasing a new version of an old song of mine Heaven Now; using my old voice as a backing singer.
At one point, I’d wanted to become Dylan and move on with my life, but in my transition, it became so apparent to me that ‘Lots’ was the strong, brave, resilient and kind human who brought me to be who I am today. There was no chance I could lock that person away.
The show sold out in the first hour and the song was celebrated on multiple Spotify playlists including the hugely sought after ‘New Music Friday’.
Since then I’ve been continuing to bend the music industry by releasing more duets with my past self using old vocal recordings from before my transition.
I still have huge archives of unheard material with my old voice on it, and have plans to create more artistic collaborations between me and my past self.
I want these duets to be a beacon of hope for others out there that we can and should look at all past versions of ourselves with love; they’ve made us who we are.
I’m not saying it’s been easy, one of the songs I re-released, Off My Brain (Dylan’s Version), was particularly difficult to create because I was recording my voice at different stages of my transition in order to capture soprano, alto, tenor and bass parts for the song
Not only was the production hard to execute, but the mental endurance was a lot to overcome.
I was continuously listening to an old version of my voice, which carried the weight of the pain I held when I was that version of me. It was incredibly challenging.
However, during the process, what I realised is that I was actually freeing myself, the more I embraced Lots, the more I could wholly be Dylan.
Now, much like a Russian doll, every beautiful version of me lives inside, and my music tells this story.
To top things off, in 2023 I was invited to be part of a new BBC3 music show called Project Icon. The show aimed to highlight up and coming artists making original music but initially I was apprehensive to be involved.
This opportunity came only 10 years after being in MK1 – a group which made it to the X Factor live finals – and I feared that my story could be sensationalised.
But after some thought, I decided that I had the opportunity of a lifetime, to be visible for trans people everywhere just by being me and doing my thing.
I made it to the final where I performed an original song, Whisky. Then, it was down to the judging panel – Jason Derulo, Becky Hill and Frank Harris – to decide who was going to win the show, bag a record deal and release a collaboration with Jason Derulo.
It was a big moment. And, when it was announced that I’d won, one that changed my life.
I will never forget how proud I felt representing my community, as an openly transgender man.
Later that year, I released a song with Jason Derulo called Lemons – an upbeat indie-pop track about turning life’s lemons into lemonade. It’s a motto I wholeheartedly (and quite visibly) stand by – and life’s been exciting ever since.
I have been increasingly happier every single day. I now understand what it feels like to be free in the mind – to feel complete and be seen for who I am. This is what I want for all people, not just people within the LGBTQIA+ community but for all humans, to experience being fully themselves.
I am working on a load of new music, have started a podcast exploring the songs I’ve re-released and how my voice has changed on testosterone – and have been a guest on other people’s podcasts, too.
I began public speaking and now travel internationally giving keynote speeches and workshops at schools, on panels and in companies about the power of authenticity and why it matters.
Right now, I am also working on an exciting documentary with a film company, which follows me from the very beginning of my transition, to the present day targeted for release at Sundance Festival 2025.
All that said, still the most exciting thing for me is waking up tomorrow knowing my only job is to be even more me than I was yesterday – and to try to help others do the same.
‘I don’t know where I’m going, but I promise it won’t be boring,’ is a quote from one of my first heroes, David Bowie – I think it gives the most accurate description of my life right now.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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