I told my ex to go to hell, but I can’t stop sleeping with him

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Florence*, a 43-year-old singer-songwriter living in London. She is bisexual, and in a complicated situationship with her ex-boyfriend.

The former couple met a year ago through Twitter and, in the midst of their whirlwind romance, they moved in together after less than a month, and nearly got engaged.

‘We split after almost five months when he started taking me for granted and lost interest in the relationship,’ Florence explains. ‘I also found pictures of a naked OnlyFans model on his phone; he told me his colleagues had been looking at her, but I didn’t believe him.’

This led to a less than amicable split. ‘We had a shouting match, and I ended up throwing his designer clothes on the ground outside the house, yelling, “Damn you to hell!” before slamming the door on him,’ she says.

‘We didn’t speak for months but missed each other a lot.’

Now, things with Florence and her ex are heating up again, after they started sleeping together again a few weeks ago. She says she loves that they have an ‘exciting and adventurous’ sex life – plus she really fancies him.

But, in a make-or-break week, Florence questions with her sexy situationship is really worth the drama – and potential heartache.

Without further ado, here’s how Florence got on…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Friday

Today, as I do every day, I message my ex about once an hour. I call him Jeremy [not his real name] as he’s a silver fox in his mid-50s and looks like Chancellor Jeremy Hunt. I bet the Chancellor isn’t as good in bed though!

I don’t have casual sex as a rule, it makes me cry, but we both still love each other very much, and neither of us is seeing anyone else. So, we’ve begun meeting up once a week for sex, coffee and conversation.

Over text we chat about his new Adidas trainers, his Tesla and our gym and nutrition routines. I send him a poem I’ve written about how much I love my daughter, who is 12. I don’t think he really gets poetry, as he just gives it a heart reaction rather than saying anything about it!

He lets me know when he’s driving home – we follow each other on the Find My Friends app for iPhones, so I always know when he’s home safely. I think I look at the app far more than he does though.

Saturday

Today I’m spending the day with my daughter, who I love more than anything in the world, and Jeremy looks after his two teenagers. We still message, mainly about everyday things.

He goes to see his football team, Fulham, play Aston Villa – he has a season ticket and attends every home game. They lose two to one, so he’s gutted. His absolute devotion to his team is one of the many things we don’t have in common – he also loves cricket, indie music, politics, designer clothes, artisan coffee, posh custard tarts and foreign holidays.

I love precisely none of these things – I don’t mind coffee, but instant will do me fine. Instead, I like listening to, producing, writing and recording pop music, writing fiction, reading novels and self-development books, interior design, dance and yoga.

He sends me a selfie from the gym. I reply, ‘God I miss you f**king me. Four days to go…’, and he reacts with a fire emoji.

Enjoying sex is one of very few things we have in common. There’s an incredible spark between us despite us being very different.

We can still hold a conversation – and importantly, he’s kind, respectful and funny. He’s also incredibly handsome and very adventurous and generous in bed.

He goes to sleep at 6pm today for work and I go to sleep at 10pm.

Sunday

Another full day of parenting for us both, but Jeremy and I message throughout.

Our kids go back to their other parent in the early evening. Neither Jeremy nor I are on great terms with our exes, so there’s no chance of a reconciliation for either of us.

Later in the evening, I have the most amazing solo orgasm. I always find my orgasms are much better when I haven’t had one for a while.

I use a vibrator that’s so powerful it sounds like a pneumatic road drill! It’s actually a sports massage gun and probably isn’t meant to be used on your bits, so don’t try this at home.

Before bed, Jeremy and I sext about what we’ll be doing during our meet up on Wednesday. He says he’s looking forward to going down on me.

This is something I never enjoyed until I met him, but his oral technique is mind blowing and he always stays down there for as long as I want.

Monday

Today we sext some more and get very horny. Jeremy tells me he’s looking forward to shooting his load down my throat. I’m the first woman ever to let him come in her mouth, and only the second to give him oral.

I tell him I can’t wait for him to enter me in the missionary position – I love watching him from beneath, looking up into his gorgeous blue eyes as he gives me a good hard seeing to. I’m also looking forward to anal, as this is always more intense and an entirely different sensation.

I ask him if he’ll grip my throat and talk dirty to me, because I absolutely love both of these things – I’ve been into rough sex since my twenties. He turns me on by telling me I need to be punished, and that he’s going to attach nipple clamps to me – I gasp in pleasure.

I trust him and feel safe with him. I never feel used – I just feel lucky to be with him. Our arrangement allows us both sizzlingly hot sex and an emotional connection with someone we love and respect, but we also have the time and freedom to do what we want.

Today I think I’d be quite happy if this continued forever…

Tuesday

Jeremy and I are meeting up tomorrow, as it’s the anniversary of our first date. Even though we’ve dialled back our romantic relationship to casual weekly meet-ups, it’ll be a special and meaningful day for us both.

I haven’t got him anything for our anniversary, but I’m going to wear black lace lingerie, which he loves. His ultimate fantasy is seeing me in shiny black hold-up stockings, so I bought some but I’m currently too plus size to wear them – they keep sliding down, which is more comical than sexy!

He’s promised to take me lingerie shopping for my birthday in the summer.

Today is too busy for me to use my vibrator, but we do lots more sexting. Before meeting me, Jeremy had only ever had vanilla sex, but I introduced him to kink.

We’ve tried spanking, restraints, blindfolds and toys. He says I’m the best lover he’s ever had, and that I’ve opened his eyes to the levels of pleasure that are possible in bed.

He’s definitely the hottest sexual partner I’ve ever had by far, out of around 30 partners.

Wednesday

Today is the big day. I shower thoroughly, clean the house, and charge my vibrator as I can’t come without it – plus I wear the sexy black underwear.

When Jeremy gets to mine, we head straight to the bedroom and he rips my bra and panties off immediately – amused, I think there was hardly any point in me wearing them! We kiss each other hard on the mouth. He then sucks and bites my nipples as I moan loudly and tell him how much it turns me on.

He moves down between my legs, and expertly sucks and licks as I moan and writhe.

I’m sexually submissive, so I like him to dominate me in bed. I ask him to slap me and be stern with me. This is completely consensual and turns me on so much – for me it’s pleasure, not pain.

Next, he takes me from behind, doggy style. Halfway through, we switch it up, and have anal sex.

After this, I grab my vibrator and lie face down on the bed, eventually reaching an ecstatic, shuddering orgasm.

Afterwards, both satisfied, we lie quietly in each other’s arms and he strokes my hair. He leaves an hour later.

Thursday

After a blissful day yesterday, I’m brought back down to Earth with a jolt.

I’m feeling really tender towards Jeremy, my heart has opened again, and I’m actually wondering if a situationship is what I want after all. Surely an exclusive relationship would be better? I want to call him my boyfriend again.

I don’t say this, because it feels too direct. Instead, I suggest he comes over on Sunday, and that we spend the night together: ‘It would be nice to fall asleep in your arms,’ I tell him.

I get really upset when he leaves me on read for nearly four hours, when he usually replies as soon as he gets my messages. It feels like he genuinely doesn’t care about my emotions and I feel vulnerable and angry, especially as the sex was so intimate.

When he finally writes back, he doesn’t say sorry for leaving me on read. He agrees to come over, but doesn’t sound remotely enthusiastic: ‘OK, we could plan something for Sunday but I would have to be up at 2am, yeah?’

And so my heart closes again, and hardens. ‘Don’t worry about the weekend, it’s fine,’ I reply.

He doesn’t bother to look at the message for over an hour. I always read his messages instantly.

When he goes to sleep, he texts ‘love you’ – I think he’s trying to make up for earlier. I’m still upset so just put a heart on the message.

‘You okay?’, he asks.

‘Yeah, just being left on read for four hours after I said it would be nice to fall asleep in your arms wasn’t cool with me… I don’t think you love me anymore but that’s cool, I’ll find someone else,’ I reply.

As I type this, I’m in tears. I was wrong – I can’t handle sex without love at all – especially not the kind of rough sex I enjoy.

He replies with a downcast emoji, but doesn’t dispute this. ‘It’s fine, I’d rather know,’ I say, ending the conversation. I block him on WhatsApp.

I need to know that the other person truly cares about me, and that it’s not just about physical pleasure and sexual gratification for them, that it’s emotional too. I strongly suspect that Jeremy cares less about me than I do about him.

Of course, that doesn’t make him a bad person – he’s a great person – but I think I’m going to end our situationship and be single again.

Life is much simpler that way, and hey, if I get frustrated, I’ve always got my vibrator.

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