It’s time to bite those glitter-gel nails. In what’s likely to be the closest-run Eurovision final in years, the bookies have been bouncing between five different favourites. Bidding for votes, we’ve got everything from Swiss opera-rap-pop (yes, that’s a thing) to Dutch techno, by way of Irish gothic rock.
And that’s before we get to a brace of beardy Spanish blokes giving their mighty buttocks an airing. (They’re Spain’s backing dancers, which may or may not explain it).
Joking aside, the run-up to Malmö has been clouded in the controversy surrounding the European Broadcasting Union’s decision to allow Israel to compete in light of its war in Gaza, with some of the artists taking part, including the UK’s Olly Alexander, facing calls to boycott the event.
Protesters may try to make their presence felt and the tension may rise as Israel’s televote is announced but as to the songs, well, it’s time to play the fool’s game of picking a winner. Here are our predictions…
The Contenders
1. Croatia: Baby Lasagna, performing Rim Tim Tagi Dim
Join Metro’s Eurovision community on WhatsApp
Eurovision calling! To keep you up to date on everything going on in Malmö, we’re hosting a party for everybody (well, maybe just Eurovision fans) over on WhatsApp.
We’ll send you all the drama, memes and iconic moments from the live shows, plus behind the scenes gossip.
You can also get involved by sending your reactions to each of the acts and voting for your favourites in our polls, as we get closer to finding out who will be the winner of Eurovision 2024.
Just follow this link, select ‘Join Chat’ and you’re in!
Now here’s a true underdog story. Baby Lasagna (real name Marko Purišić) got into Croatia’s selection contest as a last-minute sub when someone else dropped out. And then proceeded to storm to a landslide victory to represent his country.
How he got left out in the first place is crackers. Rim Tim Tagi Dim – a classic Eurovision song title if ever we heard one – is a three-minute blast of pop-rock energy and kicks like a sure-fire winner.
But the juries killed Finland’s chances with Cha Cha Cha last year and Rim Tim Tagi Dim, cut from the same crowd-pleasing cloth, could suffer the same fate.
Most likely to: Look daggers at the juries.
Prediction: Possible winner.
2. Switzerland: Nemo – The Code
Welcome to the show that is Nemo. A flamboyant collision of opera, rap and a genius chorus, The Code could easily be accused of bandwagon-hopping, given its lyrics are built around how to crack the secret of discovering your own true self.
But non-binary Nemo feels like the real deal, an extraordinary performer who switches genres at the flick of a multi-octave switch.
And anyone who can work the word ‘ammonites’ into their song gets our vote.
Most likely to: Write the next Bond theme
Prediction: Second place.
3. Italy: Angelina Mango – La Noia
Italy truly serves when it comes to Eurovision and they’ve come up trumps again with Angelina Mango, a firecracker who packs a thousand words a minute into the breathless, Latin-tinged dance treat that is La Noia.
It’s a giddy slap in the face to the glass-half-empty crowd as Angelina tries to beat La Noia– ‘the boredom’ – by bounding around the stage at 100mph.
Most likely to: Fall off the stage just for a laugh.
Prediction: Third place.
4. Ukraine: Alyona Alyona & Jerry Heil – Teresa & Maria
A moody anthem dedicated to Mother Teresa and the Virgin Mary may not be top choice to get the party started but vocalist Jerry and rapper Alyona are impressive performers and Ukraine’s staging, which is a powerful evocation of the nation’s uphill struggle, hammers home the message.
Most likely to: Win the prize for the best set (if there is one).
Prediction: Fourth place.
5. France: Slimane – Mon Amour
Is it 2024… or 1994? This is nostalgia time as France throws its beret into the ring with a love song that bids au revoir to current fads and fancies and unashamedly tugs at the heartstrings, with its je t’aime refrain given full throttle by singer Slimane’s mighty pipes.
It has been overlooked by the hardcore Eurovision fandom but this is a song that will play well with a big slice of the viewerdom. Don’t count it out.
Most likely to: Get your phone number.
Prediction: Fifth place.
6. Netherlands: Joost Klein – Europapa
‘Europe! Let’s come together!’ announces cheeky chappy Joost before unleashing an infuriatingly catchy burst of synthpop-meets-techno that ought to be ghastly but has a way of burrowing into your brain like a truly persistent earworm.
Its Euro message isn’t likely to woo Leave voters and it may be too much of a novelty piece for some, but you’ll be humming it when that last schnapps hits the spot.
Most likely to: Get up Nigel Farage’s nose.
Prediction: Sixth.
7. Israel: Eden Golan – Hurricane
In an ordinary year Eden Golan’s power ballad, the kind of effort that pulls in big points from the juries, would be being talked up as a real contender.
But this is no ordinary year and Israel’s televote potential – you can only vote for a song, not against one – is as X factor as the song itself.
Most likely to: Get talked about in the broadsheets.
Prediction: Seventh place.
How Will We Do?
8. United Kingdom: Olly Alexander – Dizzy
In a year of high drama and in-your-face gimmicks, catchy, radio-friendly pop song Dizzy has rather slipped through the cracks.
But vote hopes have been pepped up by a gravity-defying performance, with Olly being spun around a locker room by a bunch of buff boxers in silky red shorts.
So we’re not quite out for the count.
Most likely to: Give you vertigo.
Prediction: Tenth place.
The Guilty Pleasure
9. Greece: Marina Satti – Zari
Put your hands up for the inventive Marina Satti, who has given us a Greek entry that’s as far away from old-school bouzoukis as you could possibly imagine.
Marina’s high-pitch vocals top and tail a trip through a tasting menu of styles from folk to edm via rap and pop and more. It’s rather overwhelming on first listen.
Most likely to: Have you saying: ‘WHAT was that?’
Prediction: Fifteenth place.
The Crazy Outsider
10. Ireland: Bambie Thug – Doomsday Blue
It takes something to stand out as different at Eurovision but Bambie Thug has pulled that off, big style, with a look and a song that’s part horror movie/part fairytale and is sure to pull in the gothic vampire vote.
But here’s the catch: the gothic vampire vote only comes out after midnight.
Most likely to: Have Terry Wogan spinning in his grave.
Prediction: Anywhere from 5th to 25th. Vampires suck when it comes to remembering to vote.
See the Eurovision Song Contest second semi-final tonight on BBC One, 8pm, with the final on Saturday, BBC One, 8pm
MORE : Who will win Eurovision 2024… and who should win
MORE : Bambie Thug, Ireland’s non-binary Eurovision ‘witch’, is casting a spell on us
MORE : Eurovision star Olly Alexander reveals what went wrong with ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at semi-final