Most of us have been guilty of the odd eye roll or snarky comment at work — after all, we’re never going to see eye to eye with our colleagues every time.
That said, we’re also all aware that passive aggression isn’t the best way to deal with disagreements, and coming across as having a bad attitude can stall your career development.
Addressing things in a more positive way doesn’t mean you can’t get your point across though; it just means changing your approach.
Not only will it help you argue your case without your workmates becoming defensive, it’ll posit you as an effective communicator that knows how to tactfully handle difficult situations.
If you’re struggling to find the right words, office furniture suppliers Furniture at Work has teamed up with HR expert Roxanne Massey from Honest HR to help out.
‘While sarcasm or little remarks may feel good in the moment, they won’t help change the situation or others’ behaviours,’ she says. ‘You never know what others are going through that caused the initial problem, so try and be courteous and find solutions to make work a better place for everyone.’
Here, Roxanne offers work-appropriate alternatives to the pass-agg phrases which are best left in your head.
‘That’s not fair’
Instead, try: ‘I need to let you know how I feel. It feels like things are not fair at the moment.‘
Unfortunately, work isn’t always fair, and biases sometimes creep in. If you become accusatory, though, you might get your boss’s hackles up and complicate the situation further. It’s better to centre the conversation on how you’ve been feeling and back it up with receipts.
‘Take your manager to the side for a quiet word and be honest,’ says Roxanne. ‘Explain your reasons and present your facts.’
‘Must be nice to have time to enjoy yourself’
Instead, try: ‘Tell me your secret; how do you manage to do everything you need to do and have time for that too? I just don’t seem to be able to.’
‘Rather than the sarcasm, which we all do sometimes, especially when under pressure, try and get some insight,’ Roxanne says. ‘You may be surprised about what they are missing out on.’
Additionally, if your colleague has a unique way of managing their time to ensure they have a good work/life balance, they’ll be flattered you wanted to pick their brain — and you might end up learning a thing or two to improve your own situation.
‘I guess I’ll just have to figure it out myself’
Instead, try: ‘I don’t know the best way to approach this; please, can you guide me?’
Although feeling like you’re going it alone is frustrating, try not to assume there’s any malice in your manager not providing guidance.
Roxanne explains: ‘Some people cannot read between the lines or see when they are not being supportive. In these cases, you need to explain to them directly that you need their help.’
‘It’s great to know you trust me to do my job’
Instead, try: ‘I know you trust me to do this, so give me a chance, and I’ll come to you if I need some support.’
There’s nothing worse than being micromanaged, but sarcastic remarks will do little to calm an overbearing boss — especially if they think they’re helping. All you’ll achieve with this sort of comment is entrenching your manager’s belief that you can’t be trusted to take the lead.
‘Turn this around to a more positive angle, to show you don’t need to be managed in this way,’ advises Roxanne.
‘I don’t have time for this’
Instead, try: ‘Looking at the things I have to do, I can see that this is a priority to you. What item on my task list shall I push back/take off to get this done?’
‘When you’re being asked to do too much, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed,’ says Roxanne. ‘Show you can prioritise your work and deadlines and get through what’s required in priority order.’
This ensures your boss doesn’t think you’re shirking tasks, but sees you effectively managing your time and being realistic about what you can do.
‘That’s not my job/above my pay grade’
Instead, try: ‘I’m not comfortable doing this; it’s not something in my area of knowledge.’
Roxanne says: ‘Not wanting to do work that is not on your job description can feel like the right thing to do, especially if you’ve checked out of the job for any reason.’
However, she recommends pushing back in a more diplomatic way, highlighting that you don’t want to take on responsibilities you may be unable to manage.
‘They may well try to train you to do it, though,’ adds Roxanne.
If this is the case, a further conversation about what your role now entails (and whether you deserve a different title or remuneration) could be necessary.
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