More than half of single women say they never have sex – 52% to be exact – which begs the question: is hookup culture dying?
It certainly seems that way among women, who are choosing to turn off when it comes to casual sex in favour of meaningful relationships.
Eharmony’s latest Dating Diaries report found that overall, single women are having less sex than men, with just a quarter saying they have having sex weekly, compared to 35% of single men.
Love, sex and intimacy coach, Sarah Rose Bright, says this is a trend she’s seeing more and more among her female clients, many of whom are tired of modern dating.
‘I am absolutely seeing a rise in women who are choosing to not have sex outside of a relationship,’ she tells Metro.co.uk.
‘I’ve spoken to so many women who have explored hook ups and realise that what they really want is a depth of intimacy that they feel hook ups can’t offer.’
Sarah believes dating apps are part of why women are moving away from casual sex, commenting: ‘Women find the whole experience draining. They’re fed up with being ghosted, with people not being honest – potential matches won’t admit that they just want sex.
‘My female clients also say they would rather have no sex than bad or mediocre sex. They want to wait and meet somebody, get to know them, and develop a quality of intimacy.’
Of course, there are many men and women alike who enjoy casual sex. It can be a positive, fun, and a healthy way to explore your preferences if it suits your wants and needs.
Metro.co.uk’s sex columnist Almara Abgarian, who calls herself a ‘proud slut’ says: ‘I’m fed up with people expecting me to apologise for my sex life, while men have the freedom to do whatever the hell they want.’
But it’s not just casual sex that a number of women are rejecting. There’s evidence that many – including those in relationships – are shunning sex altogether.
Good Housekeeping magazine’s recent study into bedroom habits found that 85% of women would choose a good night’s sleep over having an orgasm, compared to just half of men.
And while 20% of men say they’re having more sex than they were this time last year, just 17% of women said the same.
‘I’d rather binge watch TV than have sex with my boyfriend’
Poppy*, a writer from Manchester, recently shared her sexual woes with Metro in her How I Do It diary, where she documented seven days in her sex life.
While her boyfriend is keen for more sex, Poppy, 29, keeps finding herself exhausted, and she prefers to unwind by binge-watching TV, rather than getting intimate with her partner.
‘I sometimes feel really bad for turning his advances down. I feel I should want to have sex more, but only because I know my partner does,’ she explained.
Poppy recalls one incident where her boyfriend attempted to initiate sex. ‘Still half asleep, he rolls over and slips his hand between my thighs.
‘I politely decline, telling him I want to drink my coffee peacefully, but it leads to a heated discussion about our lack of sex. He wants more, which I understand — I just wish I had the energy to match.
‘There are so many reasons why I’d rather binge-watch TV than get intimate every night. From my Instagram feed being filled with images of genocide in Gaza to news stories saying we’re now in a ‘pre-war’ era, the state of the world quite frankly impacts my desire in the bedroom.
‘On top of that, juggling multiple freelance jobs, while supporting my boyfriend with his own employment search, consumes even more of my energy. I can’t be the only one struggling with fatigue, can I?’
‘This is reflection of the times we live in,’ says Sarah.
‘The majority of women that come to see me presenting with low desire are also stressed and/or exhausted.’
She also cites sex becoming unenjoyable due to ‘routine’, differing levels of sexual desire compared to partners (and the tension it can cause), and lack of self esteem as reasons for the drop.
She adds: ‘Some women don’t know what they enjoy, and if they do, they don’t know how to communicate it, or they don’t feel comfortable in their own bodies – this will again, over time, make sex, less and less enjoyable.’
So who – or what – is to blame for this lack of desire women are feeling?
Sarah explains: ‘An issue with low desire is partly how we conceptualise desire. Lots of women are not simply “horny and up for it” which is how desire is often viewed in our culture.
‘This isn’t true of everyone, but the majority of women I work with need time to relax and unwind from the business of life and responsibilities.
‘Sex in our culture is viewed as something that should be spontaneous, and for many women I speak with, that doesn’t work for them. After all, most people don’t go on holiday unless they plan it.
‘Our world is speeding up with more distractions, there’s smart phones and Netflix, combined with the busyness and stresses of life.
‘It’s a combination of factors, rather than just one thing we don’t fully understand yet.’
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